Dear Anxiety,

I’m done borrowing trouble and worry from tomorrow, the next day, the next week, the next month, and the next year. I’m done. Well, I really want to be. Yet, I’m in this cycle of dwelling on what ifs.

This week I had two women tell me to not borrow trouble. When this happens, I don’t consider this a coincidence, I consider it God using his people to speak to me. God is obviously trying to get my attention.

I started subbing last year when Quinn started going to school full-time. I subbed a lot as a para and met all the wonderful para’s that work day in and day out to help kids that need that extra help in school. Paras are the real heroes. My mom and I always say: “hug a para.” They work hard, don’t get enough breaks, and have more patience than the average human. One of the para’s and I bonded over our love of books, sharing what we have read and our faith in The Lord. I asked her to pray about something, and after she told me she would, she looked at me and said: “don’t borrow trouble.” She didn’t say it in passing. She said it directly to me and with purpose.

I was reminded of God’s love today when she told me to not borrow troubles. God is relentless in his pursuit of me. He will do anything and use anyone to gently pull me closer.

I spent some time meditating on the verse Matthew 6:34. It says in the NIV: “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

I love what The Message says: “Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.”

Today I realized a couple things. One, was that borrowing trouble is a habit. It’s a bad habit and it’s a habit I have. I try to control what will happen in the future by playing through every possible scenario that might happen. Here’s the thing I am slowly learning: my made up scenarios of how I will respond or what I will do never happen. I think that’s because in the moments of trouble Jesus gives us grace in that moment and the strength to keep moving forward. Two, when I borrow trouble I am causing more anxiety and more unrest in my mind, body and soul.

I love to write all over my Bible. I love seeing the pages where I have toiled over certain verses or chapters. I have underlined, underlined, circled, drawn arrows, highlighted, and written more notes than there is room on the page. While reading through Matthew 6, I wrote down a quote by Charles Spurgeon. It says, “Our anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, but only empties today of its strengths.”

As The Lord refines me, grows me, matures me and sanctifies me, I get to be thankful for his faithfulness, love, devotion, and patience for me. Walking through troubles, trials, waiting, and unknowns are all scary. When I keep my eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of my faith (Hebrews 12:2,3), my faith, though slowly, grows. My trust grows. My relationship deepens. In the end that’s all that matters.

But, here I am, in the day to day, wondering “Lord, do you hear my cries?!”, “Lord, how long must I wait?”, “Lord, when will our life not be crowded with overwhelming, stressful situations?” I am so overwhelmed and fatigued. Waiting does that. I am comforted that in the waiting The Lord works. Although hard, I am trying my best to surrender to the work God wants to do in me.

Anxiety, you make me look into the future, but hopefully very soon, I will learn to be present and if I look into the future, I will see Jesus and be comforted knowing that whatever happens, Jesus promises to be with me. Hopefully my thoughts turn to belief and I am able to stay present because of the promises deeply rooted in my soul.

Bravely and faithfully walking through,

Lauren

P.S. If you want more encouragement read my “Dear Anxiety” series.