Having kids is humbling. From conception to adulthood, having kids will humble you. It’s not a matter of if but when. So far, I’m only 7 years in, but I’ve seen and experienced firsthand how each stage of a child humbles the parents.

When a mom gets pregnant, doctors check in on her and the baby. Checking IN THERE and checking on a monitor. Once the birth happens, all decency goes out the window. I mean, EVERYTHING is out for everyone in the room to view. It’s humbling.

Then your baby doesn’t latch like she should, and there’s a lactation consultant that’s touching your boobs more than they’ve ever been touched. It’s humbling.

Then your baby becomes a toddler, and they throw a complete tantrum in the store for no apparent reason. You realize you have two options: one is to leave, and two is to keep going like nothing is happening. But either way, everyone stares, and it’s humbling.

Then, your toddler becomes a kid. A kid with their own opinions, personal style, individuality, and their own wants and needs, a kid with their own voice that wants to be heard.

The other day, my daughter and I watched a show, and I said, “Do you want to go to that new store tomorrow?” And she answered, “No…” But right about at the same time, she said no, I was blurting out “We are going to go to that new store tomorrow!” She looked at me and said, “Mom, I don’t like it when you give me a choice, but then don’t let me choose.” My mind was blown. My seven-year-old was voicing her hurt feelings, and I had caused them. More than that, she felt safe and comfortable sharing her hurt feelings with me. I immediately said, “Oh my gosh, I am so sorry. I do that, don’t I? That’s not kind.” She asked, “Can I point out if you do it again?” I said, “Of course! Thanks for telling me.”

We went to the store the next day, and all was well. I did the same thing probably two days later, and she called me on it. I don’t remember what it was about. But I realized that there wasn’t a choice in the things I was giving her a choice in the matter.

I learned quickly that sometimes there isn’t a choice for a child to make because, as the mom and dad to a child, we usually make the plans, and she comes along. As she has gotten older, she has started to voice her own plans, like playdates and such, but right now, she is mostly along for the ride. My heart in wanting to give her a choice wasn’t wrong, but my approach was. This was humbling. My seven-year-old pointed out something that she wanted me to work on. I couldn’t have been more thankful. Instead of getting angry or frustrated, I was able to respond, see her hurt feelings, and move forward.

It would’ve been so easy to be prideful and not listen to her. But at this moment, I was able to be humble and take in her constructive criticism. And you know what? She did it in such a kind and gentle way. It didn’t turn into anything. It was a simple conversation, and we moved forward with our day.

She’s so quick to forgive, and it’s a constant reminder of how Christ so quickly forgives us. The way she called me out was so nice, just like the Holy Spirit does when he gently touches your spirit to confess and repent.

I realized a couple of things, though.

One, it’s so easy to be prideful in parenting and motherhood. It’s harder to be humble. But when I do, it brings my daughter and me closer and doesn’t cause a rift between us.

Two, kids feel their feelings, and when given the space to speak, they will. We often remind our daughter that she can ask and tell us anything. We hope we are creating an environment where she knows she can be truthful and won’t get in trouble because of it. We say, “We would rather know the truth than find out you were keeping a secret.”

I sometimes wonder if she will continue to use the space we intentionally create to bring up hurts, questions, doubts, etc. After she gently called me out, I was so thankful she felt comfortable doing so. I’m thankful she felt she could bring it up without being shut down. I’m thankful that my child is holding me accountable. This builds confidence in her using her voice, and the mutual respect between mother and daughter grows. It’s a win-win. I hope this environment of mutual respect and trust continues, but, you know, teenagers and hormones… Either way, we are building a foundation that matters.