My cousin Emilee and I recorded a podcast about waiting well for an adoption last week. Our stories are different, but I wanted to write out what we discussed because I think what we discussed can impact people waiting for an adoption. Here are the tips we talked about. If you want to listen to the whole thing, give us a listen wherever you get your podcasts!
Waiting Well Tip #1: Know the Spirit’s Voice
The first tip we discussed was knowing the Holy Spirit’s voice. This is key in life, but it’s hard to hear the truth when doubts and lies surround you, especially when you have been waiting for a long time. God is always talking, yet we are usually deaf to his voice. What has been so amazing in our adoption journey is being unified (Jordan and I) in what God tells us regarding our adoption.
I prayed to God, telling him about my fears of not seeing a way through, and asked him, “What do you want me to know about that?” You know what happened? I got a response. He said, “I do.” And guess what? My fears dissipated. When I can hear the God of the universe speaking to me, it makes me trust him so much more.
Knowing the Holy Spirit’s voice is crucial because he will lead you forward. Whether you continue with adoption or you don’t, seeking his wisdom in that will not go unanswered. Jamie Winship teaches two simple questions: “What do you want me to know?” and “What do you want me to do?” You can ask them about anything. First, you will want to pray that all other voices be silenced. These voices are the doubts, lies, and fears that speak loudly in your brain.
Learning to hear the voice of the Lord is so important in life, but especially in difficult times when you can’t see ahead and wonder, “Is God still listening to me?” or “Has he forgotten me?” Hearing his voice says otherwise.
Waiting Well Tip #2: Be Open with Your Kids in the Home
Emilee asked me, “How have I helped Quinn wait?” I thought it was such a great question. Parents must be open with their kids when anything life-changing happens in the home to ensure they understand what is happening. It’s not fair for the kids if a new sibling joins the family and is a complete surprise. We are very age-appropriate with the things we ask or tell our daughter. But we are very open with her about the adoption and what is and isn’t working.
Kids are resilient. She’s living her life, and I recently asked her, “Would you be okay if the adoption didn’t work out?” She answered with a confident yes. This is because her life right now is amazing. She knows a sibling is possible, but until that happens, she will continue living her life to the fullest, just like kids do. She will be fine either way, but it’s vital that parents continue to be open with the kids in the home so that there is no confusion and everyone is on the same page.
Waiting Well Tip #3: Don’t Isolate
Adoption can be lonely, with few people knowing how it works and why you would put yourself through something so hard. The process is incredibly hard, which can put a ton of stress on the family trying to adopt. It’s important to continue relationships outside the home because changing your surroundings can help you escape a mental funk. Hanging out with friends or family can help remind you to stay present and be content.
Loneliness, when not kept in check, can lead to isolation. Isolation can be difficult to leave once deep in it. There are times when being alone is important. But everything needs to be done in balance.
Waiting Well Tip #4: Be Content
At the end of the episode, I felt like I needed to share about being content. Waiting for an adoption is so hard, and it’s easy to look forward and not be thankful for what you have now. Not only is being content crucial for staying present, but when we choose discontentment, we forget the things or people we have in our life that we can be thankful for.
Focusing on the good in my life is helping me get through the wait. When you decide to adopt, there is always the chance that the adoption could fail. With that in mind, I would rather love my life now than try to live in the future, wishing daily for kids I don’t have. I am so thankful for my family, home, pets, etc. The other day, I cleaned our little pool and filled it with water for my healthy daughter who loves swimming. If I ignored that, I wouldn’t be doing myself any favors.
I love my little family. I can enjoy today’s moments, expectantly waiting for the kids we have dreamed about, but at the end of the day, we have no control over whether we get a referral. Choosing contentment in the waiting is the sweet spot to enjoying life in the now and being cautiously optimistic for the future.
Click the link above if you want to listen to us chat!